Well.
I don't know what to say really.
I have been informed that my verbal jousting has reached levels of incomprehensible word density, even to the level of ´I have no fucking idea what she's on about right now´.
Ha. You jest me, right? Have you no clue that this blog is really solely for my own perverted pleasure? No surprises there, you might think. Still, out of a misguided sense of duty, I would like to keep up the pretention that I give a rodent's backside, so here is a version that might appeal to my more verbally and poetically challenged fellow men out there, many of whom I will not be able to count amongst my friends after that last sentence.
Yeah, you could say I am a bit pissed off right now.
But not about the implied fact that I am a pretentious git, by the way. In fact, it has nothing much to do with anything or anyone in particular. But boy, am I geared up.
I am sick and tired of being led to believe things that aren't true. I am sick of being afraid of what isn't there. Living in fear is pretty much equal to living in hell. I learned that the hard way myself some time ago. So bear with me here. I need to get this out.
Once again, the world has managed to show its best side to itself. Fear, anxiety, loathing, hatred and anger are all around us every day. Sure. But you have to remember one thing: they always have been. The only real change is that now we all have (and even want) to know about every rape, homocide, genocide, dirty crusades covered up as angelic acts of fucking heroism. The sad truth is that media shape you - deal with it. Only the acceptance of this fact will keep you sane, and keep you thinking. The thing I am most scared of right now, being in Sweden (where neutrality is taken to a frightful level of opportunistic political correctness), is coming back to Holland. The country that has literally lost its head.
Hell, in stead of looking for it we are just walking around with our neck held high, chest proud, no idea were we're going. Slipping on the blood from the wound we are blissfully unaware of, we end up kicking our own head that lies at our feet as we stumble around in darkness, still convinced of our own superiority.
I have no idea why I used to live under the simplistic impression that my country was a liberal haven where people weren't so easily fooled. Probably for the very same reasons that I am getting so worked up right now. In a way, part of my identity, my self-image has been compromised. My cultural heritage is one that in stead of smelling like roses reeks like a sewer. I used to believe in the fairy tale. We pride ourselves on our famed common sense, that good old pure down-to-earth quality that is supposed to be innate to the soul of every single native, in some weird way confined to the geographical borders of our small nation. Remember that? Common sense? Think before you act? That sort of thing?
Apparently not. Ratio has fallen, and it's not getting up any time soon. In its stead an army of backward little children has risen, lead by their underdeveloped instincts and a disconcerting disposition towards screaming their fucking heads off whenever they feel like it. They feed on chaos and thrive in confusion. Their religion consists of willful ignorance and shallowness, their bible is sensationalism and media hype. They feed on the rotting carcass of ratio, feasting on whatever is left of sincerity and true compassion for other beings. They spread the disease of apathy and paranoia. And they are winning ground. The only way to stop this insane ride to disgust-ville we are headed on is to think, and then act.
When bombarded by horrifying news of high school blood baths, bombings that are executed in accordance with United States prime time television airings, random beatings and shootings in whatever social circles of society, rapes, murders, terrorism, and whatever the hell is the latest headline, just breathe. And think. Why do you know this? Who is telling you this? And what is it making you believe? Don't get me wrong, I am disgusted by every single life that is being destroyed or irreparably harmed in every single headline that I come across. But as cold-hearted as it sounds, you have to rationalise, put things in perspective. If you don't, you go insane. Or you grow rigid and bitter, like a crusted cynical shadow of a person who at some point in life has had to protect himself from the rest of the world by simply not letting it in anymore, and now cannot open up to the world around him even if he wanted to. I want to stress that rationalising and not going along with the latest media hype or telethon has nothing whatsoever to do with a lack of empathy. Empathy is not the same as sensationalism.
I know I am hardly one to speak. After all, I live in the world too. I am hardly holier-than-thou. I too am corrupted. And you probably know and have realised every single thing I am writing about already. But it never hurts to be reminded. Being away has taught me one thing: our country is suffering from an almost permanent panic attack, along with a great part of the rest of the planet. Question is, will we bend or break? Yes, I worry about these things. Genuinely. Every day, until I go back - and join you.
"Lots of people are crying about the coming Apocalypse. Here, here … a little bit later….and we shall become witnesses of … The death of one human being is the Apocalypse. Apocalypse is the War, and we all live in it."
(courtesy of Maxim Bashev on http://www.artaldo.com/)
